IN GOD I DO TRUST!!

I know things are not over completely….God can still do miracles.  But as I type this, things don’t look good for a conservative win, and I must say I am very tearful.  I’ve spent some time alone with the Lord over what has truly been a little shocking to me.  I have completely and maybe a little denyingly held out optimisitic hope that McCain would win.  And yet with God he still can.  But, as I am trying to prepare myself, for the first time, in case he loses, I am hurting inside.  I cannot even imagine the other administration.  This has nothing to do with not liking someone or just wanting my party to win.  I truly believe our opponent is doing the devils bidding and we are going to pay as a nation.  So, as I have spent time reading some scripture God has comforted  me once again, with truths that I have spoken many times to others but so needed for Him to remind me of tonight.  I can’t imagine facing tomorrow without God Almighty being TRULY in control!!  So, if you too are struggling with what looks to be a conservative upset I hope you will cling to these words as I am doing.

One of the things God reminded me of, was that He will use anything, good or bad to bring glory to Himself and draw His children to Himself.  I can say this apparent upset is doing just that for many of us.  Therefore, I am even more confident that He will prevail, not necessarily talking about the election, but of far greater eternal matters.  Thank you Lord that my hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus blood and righteousness.

I trust in you Lord, so I’ll let you rescue me.  Teach me to delight in you and deliver me, O God.  Ps.22:8

From the ends of the earth I call to you, O Lord.  When my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.  For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy.  Ps. 61:2-3

You, Lord reign!!  You are robed with magesty and you are armed with strength.  Your throne was established long ago.  You are from all eternity.  You are mightier than the thunder of the great waters, mightier than the breakers of the sea.  The Lord on High is mighty!  Ps. 93:1-2, 423

Queen Elizabeth

Carrie Beth decided to be a “Queen” this year…and she was beautiful.  She had already decided what she was going to dress up as when we went to Cracker Barrel and she saw this purple gown.  She was in awe.  She had birthday money to spend and she bought this dress with her own money.  She was so proud.  She said, “Mommy, this year I don’t want to be a Princess, I want to be a “Queen”.  Can I wear this dress and one of your “real” crowns instead of a tiara.”  I said, “sure!!!”  So, she asked what kind of queen could she be.  I told her there was a queen named Elizabeth and she said,  “that’s perfect, that’s my name.”  We did a little “Trick or treating before going to our church’s Fall Festival.  It is always a huge event and so much fun.  After 3 hours of fun we went to eat with friends.  She had a fun night…and so did we.   By the way, “The Queen” is sleeping now!  Good night Your Magesty….we love you!

I VOTED!!

Yesterday I went to vote early and I was relieved when it was over.  I am still choosing to hold out faith that good will come from this election.  One funny yesterday though, as Carrie Beth and I entered the polling place I looked at her and said, “Once we go inside you can’t say outloud who you want Mommy to vote for.”  She said, “Why not, doesn’t everyone want Sarah Palin to be President?”  As we left and got in the car she said, “Can I scream McCain/Palin now?”  To which I replied, ” As loud as you want my dear!!!”  May God have mercy on us next Tuesday!!!!!

Carrie Beth’s Luau Birthday

Happy Birthday to You Carrie Beth.  She chose a Luau this year and we had so much fun!!  She helped us with all of it and she had a ball.  Once she decided what she wanted to do, she couldn’t stop talking about it.  She thought the day would never get here.  She wore a dress my parents bought me in Hawaii many years ago when they went there on a trip.  My mother had saved it and given it to me recently.  Carrie Beth wears it around the house all the time.  It was the perfect outfit and authentically from Hawaii.

We decorated the inside and outside Hawaiian style and had many friends join us to celebrate.  Carrie Beth helped me with the cakes and we had a wonderful time decorating them together.  The chocolate fountain was the hit…it always is!!  With adults too!!  Thank you to everyone who came to be a part of her special day.  She still talks about it and what a great time she had.

So, on September 24, 2008 our baby girl turned 6 years old….oh, how time flies by…I’m still holding my breath….

Four Generations

Carrie Beth and I just returned from visiting my parents in Florida.  We always love to go for a visit.  It’s so beautiful in The Villages where they live.  All three of us go at Christmas, and two other times during the year Carrie Beth and I go by ourselves.  This trip we took my mother’s parents with us as we’ve done sometimes before and it was a great trip as usual.  There were a couple of days that my mother, grandmother, Carrie Beth and myself had a “Girls’ Day Out”….we went shopping, had lunch and spent great time together.  It is such a blessing to be able have this time together…four generations.  At the end of one of those days Carrie Beth summed it up beautifully by saying, “I’ve had a great day today!”  Memories she and I both will cherish, as do my mother and grandmother!

Thank you

(If you are starting here, please scroll down and back to the post “Memories” to read the whole story from the beginning)

The Lord said, “My gracious favor is all you need.  My power works best in your weakness.”  So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses,so that the power of Christ may work through me.  2 Corinthians  12:9

As you can surely see, I am deeply in love with my precious daughter.  Our journey to have her and know her was full of twists and turns and naturally there are many other things that I keep private and personal surrounding our story.  But, as I have journaled these parts of her story, I have been humbled by the kind words and responses that many of you have shared with me on my blog, through emails and in person.  I started this for two reasons.  One to be able to complete writing down all of this for Carrie Elizabeth and also to give God more glory through my sharing for all that He did, with those who might choose to read this.

But at this point, I just want to say how humbled I have been to hear from many of you and I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read these posts!!  I hope in some small way you have been touched and that you can see anew and fresh the miracles around you everyday…whatever they may be.  God did all of this.  He did it in such a way that we could NEVER take credit for it.  As I have said so many times, “He showed up and showed off, big time!”

Thank you for reading our story and sharing in these miracles with me as I have remembered again the grace of God in my life….I’m sure as time goes by I’ll share more “thoughts from my heart”…..

Be truly glad!!…These trials are only to test your faith, to see whether or not it is strong and pure…So if your faith remains strong after being tried in the test tube of fiery trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day of His return.  1 Peter 1:6-7

With deep love and gratitude,

gigi

‘Our Chosen Child’

(If you are beginning here, please scroll down and back to the post “Memories” to start reading at the beginning)

As I mentioned earlier, God gave me a song through our sorrow and IN our joy that I sang to her at her baby dedication.  He also allowed me the privilege to sing it and share our testimony at the National Rally with Premier Designs in July 2003.  He continues to be glorified in all that He does and I want to share it with you now….

OUR CHOSEN CHILD

I will never forget that September day, the phone rang a little after two  

And believe it or not I was speechless, as I heard them say “she’s on her way”.  How I’d waited so long for this day

And I know He chose you, not just to be His child,   For I know He chose you, He chose you to be my child

I will never forget your first cry, or the way that you looked in my eyes that day. 

I could barely believe you were real.                                                                                                             

And as I looked into your tiny face, I fully understood God’s grace

And I know He chose you, not just to be His child   

For I know He chose you, He chose you to be my child

And as you grow my tiny child, We’ll help you understand.   

So many people prayed for you and know God has a plan.                                                                            

It’s such a joy to be a part of all He has for you.  

He waited for HIs perfect time, then made our dreams come true.

And I know He chose you, not just to be HIs child, 

For I know He chose you, He chose you to be our child                                                                                

I’m so thankful that you’re our child

(I wish I knew how to put the melody on here but I don’t)

Carrie Beth is such a precious little girl.  She has a big heart and she is tenderly sweet.  She is and has always been a happy girl.  We and others dubbed her that from the very beginning.  She has always smiled a lot and seems to be very kind hearted.  So we call her “HAPPY GIRL”….the first word she learned to spell at 15 months was H-A-P-P-Y…   She is full of life and joy and wants to take it all in.  She is all girl, but also loves the other things of life.  She is a princess through and through and is also not afraid to try anything most boys would try.  She loves to play “girl” things but she is quick to tell you that she has friends that are boys and she loves to play soccor, any kind of ball, ride horses, she loves trains, to dance, sing at the top of her lungs, draw and do art, play with her baby dolls, and most of all play dress up.

She absolutely loves to swim and is a remarkable swimmer already.  She has been able to swim on her own since she was 18 months old.  Dancing seems to be a natural gift for her and she adores it.  She is our little ballerina and she really is good…all bias aside…smile…..

Her spirit is tender and she loves God and Jesus.  With her you have to mention them both.  You can’t leave one out.  She is however,  a first born child.  She can be a little bossy at times and likes to be first.  We work on these things and as we do, you can see her little mind working because she genuinely wants to do what is right.  She is learning what flesh is all about.  She will tell you that she thinks God is so Awesome the way He can do all that He does.  Just this week she said to me, “How do you get to Heaven?”  (Now she wasn’t talking about the process through salvation, she understands that.  She was talking about the trasport to there when you die)  So I said, “Well honey, when we die, God just somehow takes our spirit there and gives us a brand new body, if we know Jesus as our personal Savior.  I’m not sure exactly sure how He comes to get us, I just know that the bible says, ‘if we are not in our body we are with Jesus.’  She then said, “What is heaven like?”  To which I responded, “It is BEAUTIFUL!!  The bible tells us the streets are made of gold, there are gorgeous flowers everywhere and the music is unbeliebable.”  She said, “Where do we live?”  I said, “In mansions that God prepares for us.”  She said, “Do we eat there?”  And I said with joy in my voice, “Oh yes, and we never get full!!  To which she replied, “I just think it is so cool how He does all that.”

She is sweet, smart and funny and longs to learn.  She is a huge cuddler and we love that.  She is a miracle.  And she is OUR miracle…

I do have one more thing to share if you will allow me another moment.  I will be back to close out our story in the next day or so…thank you

A WEEK IN FLORIDA

(If you are beginning here, scroll back and down to the post “Memories” and start reading from the beginning)

We stayed in Florida for a week.  It was wonderful getting to take in our private time with Carrie Beth and sharing it with my parents.  Even though we knew there were many people, not to mention all the rest of both of our families, back home anxiously waiting to meet her.  But while we were there we had a wonderful surprise take place.  The local newspaper in my parents city called and wanted to come and do a full spread article on our new baby.  So, they came to my parents home and interviewed us and took pictures.  The next day all three of us were on the front page of the paper.  Much of the story along with our picture covered the front with the remaining story and another photo on the inside.  It was so incredible.  God was glorified through the article as well. It was so wonderful!!  I mean how many parents would love to plaster their new baby’s face all over the newspaper…I mean shouldn’t that be how it is every time a baby is born?  God was so loving to us, giving us His touches of love in so many specaial  ways like that.  It truly did make all our suffering worth it.  But when I looked at my child, my suffering faded.  I was more grateful than I could say to Him…I still am. 

As we came home and settled in I walked around with my head in the clouds.  We shared her with everyone….we took her everywhere and smiled all the time.  As the weeks turned into a couple of months, God began to give me phrases and words that I would pen on paper from time to time.  As this continued, God gave me a tune in my heart for those words and ultimately He wrote a song through me to her.  I sang the song to her at her baby dedication service.  A friend of mine from high school that owns a recording studio in Nashville, put it down on a track and it turned out so beautiful…. It will never become a gold record…that’s not why He gave it to me, but as I’ve sung it to her over the years she has come to understand, in some small way, that I love her so much more than I can express.  My heart truly overflows with singing for her. 

Yes, she knows she’s adopted and we talk about it as she wants, which is very little.  She is learning that she was desperately wanted and loved and chosen, not just by us, but by God.  It is true that when you adopt, you can forget that fact because God so graphs that child to your heart and life.  We have no idea what His plan for her life is but we do know one thing…”it is for good and not for evil, to bring her a future and a hope”…Jer. 29:11.  She is not a perfect person, but she is a miracle and precious in the sight of us and God.  We feel blessed to watch her grow and are full of joy to get to be a part of what God is going to do in and through her.  There is no doubt He as huge plans for this little girl.  We are certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that He has only tapped the top of His miracles through her life.  My utmost prayer is that she lives for Jesus, knows Him and gives her life to Him.  As I try to give her back to Him everyday, I am grateful for my time with her, to be forever her Mommy and experience her life.  I am truly humbled….for to me no child is ordinary…they are blessed hope from the portals of heaven.

Yes, I’ll share the song tomorrow…..and a few more thoughts “from my heart”… I am humbled that you took the time to read this and share in our joy!!

All my love,

gigi

Leaving the hospital

(If you are starting here, scroll back and down to the post “Memories” to read from the beginning)

As we awoke the next morning we couldn’t wait to get to the hospital.  When we got there they didn’t have a room for us yet so they let us in the nursery to see Carrie Beth.  They had a little room about the size of a small closet in the nursery for mommy’s to come and hold and feed their babies.  So that’s where they put me for the time being.  There was a rocker in there and I sat and rocked her for awhile and then began getting her dressed for her hospital picture.  After that was done they had a room for us.   My parents and Marc and I all got to stay in there all day with Carrie Beth.  All four of us held her and cuddled her all day.  We fed her, bathed her and just stared at her for hours.  It was pure heaven.  As the afternoon went on, we were looking forward to Robert coming back and finalizing everything so we could leave the hospital.  As 5:00 grew near, I had Carrie Beth dressed and wrapped in her blankets.  We were ready to leave as soon as we could.  Robert got there early and we talked for a moment, took pics and then they took her back to the nursery for a short time.  And then it was time.  They brought her back to me and we placed her in the clear bassinet.  As the nurse wheeled her out the door of the hospital we all walked along beside her.  Marc went and pulled the car to the door and the nurse handed her to me.  As I crawled in the car and put her in her seat I was floating.  We had a 4 hour drive back to my parents home and I stared at her all the way.  It was dark outside so we drove with the inside car lights on so I could look at her.  It was incredible.  There are no words to describe to you the feelings I had.  I was completely overwhelmed with joy!!  I just kept saying she is mine, she is ours, she is our baby!!  She was so beautiful…she still is and I was taken back by her radiance.  She was precious.  We arrived back at my parents around 10:00 PM and that was the most glorious night of my life.  She slept in her bassinet right next to my head and I watched her all night.  She only woke one time to eat and that was magical.  Trust me I was so full of joy…I just kept saying, ” You are mine.  I love you!”

We had to stay in Florida for a week and we had so much fun with her there at my parents home.  We took her everywhere…we introduced her to everyone my parents knew.  People came in and out all week.  We took her out to eat, the the square to dance and she had her first dance with her daddy to the song, ‘Daddy’s Little Girl’.  Everywhere we went people were drawn to us…partly because she was so beautiful and partly because we were all floating on a cloud.  It was such a wonderful time!!  Towards the end of the week, Robert called to let us know that he had received all the papers from “him” and everything was in order.  This meant we could leave Florida and come back home to Rome.  There were so many people back here waiting to meet her and see her and it was such a blessing to come home to such a welcome….

Over the next few days, I will share some final thoughts and pictures….and another miracle from God for  He continued to do some mighty things……….

Everything will be final today

(If you are starting here, please scroll back and down to the post “Memories” to read from the beginning of the story.)

I had slept some through the night but awoke abruptly a little after 6:00 AM.  I had had a nightmare.  Everything in my dream had been all the events of the day before and I woke in my dream in the hotel where Marc and I were to the phone ringing.  In my dream Robin was on the phone telling me that the adoption would not go through that “she” had changed her mind.  I awoke from that dream trying to figure out if it was real or not.  I jerked Marc awake and told him what I’d just dreamed.  I said let’s get up now and go on to the hospital.  He said for me to call Robin and make sure all was okay.  I didn’t want to do that because is was so early.  So we went ahead and got ready and a little after 7:00 AM I did call the hospital.  Robin sounded fine and I took that to mean that my dream was simply a nigtmare.  I asked her if everything was okay, she assured me it was.  Needless to say, I was not going to breathe easy until I got there and saw for myself.  We got to the hospital and they brought Carrie Beth to me to feed.  Everything was fine and she felt so wonderful in my arms.

We spent the day there with Carrie Beth and waited the long hours that followed for Robert to get there to make the adoption final.  He had said he would arrive around 4:00 PM and the signing would take place at 5:04…24 hours after she was born.  After lunch “she” had asked me to bring in some of Carrie Beth’s clothes and try them on her.  “She” wanted to see some of the things I had for her.  I had bought a special dress for her to wear at the signing and then of course her dress to wear home from the hospital.

As my mom, Marc and I played dress up with Carrie Beth, “she” watched but seemed so detached…not like I expected her to be.  I dressed her and got her ready for the day and wrapped her in blankets and handed Carrie Beth to “her” for “her” to hold.  I stood next to the bed and Carrie Beth never took her eyes off of me.  She never even turned toward “her” as “she” talked to Carrie Beth.  “She” just simply told her that there were a lot of people that were waiting to meet her back in Georgia and she knew that she was going to be so loved.  I was a little surprised at the words “she” chose.  “She” held her and talked to Carrie Beth like a 13 year old girl might.  Once again, God gave me such a peace about all of this…for I knew all that I felt in my heart for this precious baby girl.

Robert arrived and told us it was going to be a little delayed because the court reporter, who had to be there with us, had a dead battery in her car.    We signed our papers first privately and then he went into the room where “she” was.  He went back over everything with her and explained how it all would go.  As the clock, ticked by, I was more nervous than ever.  I had no idea what o expect.  Finally an hour later than it should have been, the court reporter arrived.  And then it was time.  We prepared to leave the room and step out into the hallway while Robert was with “her” and Robin for the signing.  As Marc, my parents and I turned to leave the room, they told us to leave Carrie Beth in the room with them.  I was crushed and scared to death.  We stood in the hall for what seemed like eternity.  And then…. the door opened and out came Carrie Beth.  Robert was pushing the little bed out into the hall.  They closed the door back and I was in heaven.  I jerked her up out of that little bassinet and held her so tight and close.  I’m sure that was against all hospital regulations…to have a newborn baby in the hall out of the bassinet.  We didn’t care.  More time passed and the door opened again.  This time ”she” stepped out into the hall and said, “It’s over”.  This was the only time she had really shown much emotion.  However, she didn’t seem to be crying in saddness.  It appeared to be more out of relief.  I hugged her gave her a letter from me and thanked her once again for being the vessel God used to bless our lives.  She had already been able to tell how very much we loved Carrie Beth.

At this point, she was dismissed from the hospital.  As weird as it seemed “her” dad and Robin (who by the way have 2 children togther..remember Robin is “her” step mother)  wanted us all to go out to eat together.  So that’s what we did.  Marc and myself, my parents, Robin and her husband and “she” all went to The Cheese Cake Factory there in Boca Raton.  Of course we had to leave Carrie Beth at the hospital.  It actually turned out to be a great thing.  God was in this as well.  It allowed us to talk and laugh and say our goodbyes.  The conversation was light and  “she” seemed perfectly fine.   This provided closure for me tremendously and I’m sure it did for “her” as well.  After dinner we said goodbye and agreed to speak again a few times in the coming days and months.  This is a closed adoption so there did come a time a couple of months later when we ended all contact.   

Carrie Beth was legally ours!!  She would have to stay another 24 hours in the hospital.  But this time when we went to sleep I knew nothing could take her from us.  She was ours and we were floating on the clouds…..Tomorrow would be literally wonderful.  I can’t wait to share with you what all happened as we got back to the hospital the next day….God was so good!!!

and tomorrow we would take her home………………..